miracle

I have repeatedly told you God has promised a miracle when I died and came back. The miracle is happening, thanks to so many friends helping me and praying for me. Two months ago I had no appetite as many terminally ill cancer patients go through the process.  Every day I take my meds and pain meds and get on my old trusty cheap stationary bicycle and ride it like I am in the tour de France. Push your limits in every thing you do in life and even with love. My bp once hit 205/190 or so and now is down to almost normal. While in intensive care after my cardiac arrest and flurry of heart attacks, 8 or more, in two days I had a heart to heart talk to my doctor. I told him straight out-Doc this is now just an insurance game and I am so bored here so send me home so I can die with dignity and honor. I had nobody at home at that time to help me in anyway. Then along came a dear friend, Debbie, who needed a place to live till she could be with her boyfriend. Daily she would get on my case-quit whining about your pain and suffering Rich and fight it damn you. I know of nobody who has been through more than Deb-she has been shot -stabbed and died 4 times and stomach cancer and untold operations but never complained one iota. God had to have sent Deb to me-She is now with her boyfriend and doing well and still checks up on me weekly. We think we have friends-they say they are-but until you get deathly sick you never know if they are loyal or not. My ex wife and I became great friends after our divorce and was always there encouraging me too. Sadly at 53 she had a sudden heart attack and died. I will miss her company.  Now I find beauty and laughter daily in almost everything I see and do, even simple things. Will Rogers once said " If there is no malice in your heart then there will be none in your words"

update

Sorry-been having some problems-was losing weight very fast-down to 112 pounds now-but have decided that was due to the ensure giving me protein for muscles-which i now have-hahaa not much but muscles-i take pain medicine then get on an old exercise bike both with and without my oxygen on.
I have no idea of what to do to heal myself-all i can do is listen to what God tells me to do-so far it is working. i have so many thanks to online friends who have helped me get through some terrible times-special Christmas thanks to the special dreamgirls you are lifesavers for sure-this is the season for miracles and i guess that means for me too. we all have miracles in our life-some small, some large. sometimes the worst things in life , traumatic at the time, turn out in hindsight, to be the best things that could have happened:an example:s this car crash was terrible but without it i never would have met you---stay positive thinking. i am truly blessed with close friends- i have within  this last year cut off many who were there for whatever material things they could scam me out of-i still feel sorry for them. when i died march 1, 2011 there was no material things that arrived with me for my visit with my creator but there was a special gift-no more pain and no more suffering-i knew that by returning to life on earth meant pain and suffering and did not want to return-yes we all have a purpose in life-we need to just see the confidence deep within us to see what good we could be if we just stop trying to control our lives and learn faith.
i admit i was not religious -probably leaning towards agnostic before i died-am i religious now? nope, but i sure know you will be amazed after your death-yes there is sooooooo much more after life on earth-for some it will be a wonderful experience and for some it will be an experience they deserve and not a good one they might like-not for me to judge-I AM, God, decides that and alone too. Bless each one of you and keep you and your families safe-share that part of you which you hide from the world and help others here on earth . Don't worry about recognition for what you do because you will get all the recognition you need if your heart is sincere----happy holidays worldwide to those good people with good hearts-big teddy bear hugs to you all

Cancer changes

how doctors and nurses dealing with cancer patients should hange their viewpoints. the science of cancer is just unraveling just as it has for many years -therefore we need to stop labeling cancer patients as 1st stage 4th stage, end of life etc. who thought of those terms and who decided that 4th stage is the final stage-i tell people that i am 4th stage and terminal but all of us are terminal from the moment we are born-a car might hit us at an early stage in life and that damn sure would be terminal. by labeling it depresses most patients and causes them to simply give up all hope of defeating it and that is such a great shame- they put me on end of life hospice care for a few months till i quit the program-simply made no sense to just give up-yes maybe for medical bills it made sense-they would not have to pay any more for my health care but i think positive thinking has so much to do with how u fight diseases and injuries.
will add more thoughts later-sorry-am tired

Amazing

amazing things are happening.not sure what is going on-the ensure has allowed me to gain weight -a little, 10 pounds or so but the weight has changed my breathing-perhaps increased weight from my stomach onto my hiatal hernia-dont know but somehow i believe a miracle is now happening-we will see-i will let u know in about 2 months or so-all i iknow is when i use my oxygen bottle now i seem to feel bad so my lungs are now being forced to expand and get larger-i guess my body can heal itself-my creater said it would so we will see. keep the prayers coming-seems to be working

So many thanks

wow i have lots of ensure now-my heartfelt thanks go out to so many of you and also thqanks for the other gifts  but best of alol thanks to the special 2 who actually wrote a written letter-very personal way to let me know somebody cares-writing letters is such a forgotten art-we all email and instant message which is letter writing but a much faster version. writing letters tho in our own personal handwriting is very special tho-has been very many years since i have gotten a letter-no wonder the post office has problems-
i will write back -will take me time-i was waiting to get a couple poems on printed glossy paper and send a signed copy to the ones who provided me an address-maybe one day my signature will be valuable-who knows

today i went down and bought a pair of jeans for very skinny guys size 30 hahaha i had been wearing my normal jeans but they are soo baggy that i had to go to suspenders-now it looks like i have an ass again -altho a skinny one rofl
i am making my bucket list-most folks create one with missions they can accomplish-well i have decided that is wrong thinking so number one on my list is i have to own a $2 million buck yacht at least 100' long
that should give me another 40 years to live eh?

for my fellow Vets

Mr. Young,

I just read your poem on wardog.com, and I was moved to tears. This is a picture of most all Vietnam veterans, if they would only just admit to it. My husband served in 70-71 at Red Beach, and he is disabled from an anxiety disorder. He cannot stand crowds, darkness, or anyone to be behind him in a group. Up until recently, he did not admit to many that he was a Vietnam vet. I have gotten him some stickers for his motorcycle and a license plate with Vietnam veteran on it. He also has a cap with that on it. He did not want people to know he served there. I told him to be proud of his service and I have pride in all Vietnam veterans and veterans from other wars too. Most men that I meet that were in Vietnam have issues with anxiety, but some handle it better than others. Our country sent our 'boys' to war, and yes, you all were just boys. My husband says the movies he sees are not correct, in that the actors are too old, he said he did not see old men there, just kids. I think part of the reason for all the patriotism today, is that most of the parents of today's soldiers are Vietnam veterans, or people from that time that saw how they were treated. My husband mentioned to me about the name 'baby-killer' and how much it hurt to be called that. I cannot understand a country sending young men to war and then just abandoning them when they return. My father served in Korea and he has the same problems. When I was young, and even now, we knew not to touch Dad when he was not aware we were there. He just lashed out and hit whatever touched him. He will not speak of much that he saw, he holds it all inside. My mother told me about this; not Dad. A man at our church, that grew up in the community that I did, was in Vietnam and Cambodia and he has nightmares from the things that he saw there. His wife said he has it very rough sometimes. A girl that I worked with told me of her husband and how he would not sleep in the house but in a hammock in their garage and had the same anxiety problems that my husband had. I know it is not just Americans that have these problems, all soldiers do, regardless of what country they are from. God bless you and touch the raw places in your heart and heal them. I love my Vietnam Vet and the rest of them too!!!!!!

Best wishes,
A Proud Veteran's Wife

What is Faith

we all say i have faith in you or i have faith in God or many other sayings.
I asked God where is the miracle you promised me when i died. God's reply was rich, i gave you a miracle-i brought you back to life. I replied well how about the miracle of healing my body. God said Rich you need faith not in me but yourself. Faith means sheerly putting you own life on line to believe in me and create your own miracle.. 

That being said-i have been taking 3 heart meds per day-1 2 times a day. To test my faith 4 days ago i stopped all heart meds-so don't blame any doctor if i fail. All my life i have pushed my limits. I have the meds handy if i falter -lol i am not stupid. We will see. One day i hope to heal my entire body-yes it takes alot of people believing they will see a miracle so now you all must also have faith-smiles.